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A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ? A polo bear !

Knock Knock Who's there ! Bologna ! Bologna who ? Bologna & cheese !

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming? Paul, stop monkeying around!

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"? Short John Silver!

An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted. To which his wife said to her lover 'See, I told you he was stupid'

Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out '' I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table!'' The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in ,sees the five dollars and cries out,''I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!''

What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep ? Trunkquilizers !

Is there a way to make a hamburger do the Hula? Sure, order a burger and a shake!

Where do you get frogs eggs ? At the spawn shop !

"Room service? Send up a larger room."

What do you get if you cross an elephant with the Internet? I don't know, but it's e-nourmous.

Q: How many Clinton administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two--one to screw the bulb into the water faucet while the other tells us that everything possible is being done to help the situation.

Why couldn't the pig pay his bill? He was a little shoat.

Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights. And how long have you had this complaint? Who wants to know?

An avid line dancing couple go to the doctor for a check up because they are having trouble remembering anything but, all the latest line dances. The doctor finds them in excellent health (of course), but suggests that writing things down may help their memories off the dance floor. That night the husband gets up to go the kitchen and the wife asks for a dish of ice cream, suggesting that maybe he write it down. He says "I don't need to write it down" She says "Well I want Strawberries on it, so maybe you better write it down" "I don"t need to write it down" He says and walks off in a huff. Twenty minutes later he comes back with a plate of bacon and eggs. "I told you to write it down" she says, "You forgot my toast".

Which is the meat patties' least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!

Why is it so cold at Christmas? It's in Decembrrrrr.

Whats white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions ? A hot frog !

What do you call a telephone call from one vicar to another ? A parson to parson call !