QUESTION: Do you know what is honeymoon? ANSWER: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
What kind of money do polar bears use ? Ice lolly !
Can I have a broken drum for Christmas? The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat it!
Luke had it first, Paul had it lost; boys never had it; girls have it but once; Miss Polly had it twice in the same place, but when she married Peter Jones she never had it again. What is it? The letter L.
An old lady walked in to the post office to buy stamps and as she was short-sighted the clerk offered to stick the stamps on for her. `Wait a minute,' he said, `you've written the address upside down.' `I know,' said the little old lady, `the letter is going to Australia.'
Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun? -It burns too easily
Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, "it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!" "What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?" "Well, I hit the CEILING, father." "How much did you win?"
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a yo-yo. Are you stringing me along!
Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.
What kind of phone makes music? A saxophone.
Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!" Tom replied, "What's so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!" "Wow!", said Tom, "Where did you get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."
What is a horse's favourite sport? Stable tennis!
Farmer Giles is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car. He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal
Knock Knock Who's there ! Amazon ! Amazon who ? Amazon of a gun !
What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you? A phone moan.
What is an elf's favourite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bossy ! Bossy who ? Bossy just fired me !
What did the sardine call the submarine ? A can of people !
Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: ".......and ninthly..."
your mama so fat that when she wanted a water bed, they had to put a cover over the Atlantica Ocean.