One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good morning son." "Good morning pastor" replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked. "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service", replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Tool Time Barbie ...ncludes tool belt, which she has no idea what to do with
Q: What's every cat's favorite song? - A: Three Blind Mice!
What's a monsters favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet
Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?
Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn't fancy the stake.
Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me. What do you mean by that?
A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a "Keyboard Error" message. She then asks "Why did it give me a keyboard error? There isn't even a keyboard attached?
What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa.
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing knives
I've been e-mailing William Shakespeare. William Shakespeare's dead, silly. No wonder he hasn't replied.
YO MAMA IS SO FAT WHEN YOU GO AROUND HER YOU GET LOST!
Why do pigs have flat snouts? From running in to trees.
Where does an elephant carry its laptop? In its trunk.
Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.
Why did the pigs paint their hoofs green? It was Saint Patrick's Day.
Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why? Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one.
What is big, hairy and can fly faster than sound? King Koncord.
A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining about his work. "It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they produce. My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll have to shower before I return home, because of the stink." His friends at work agree: "Why don't you just quit this miserable job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some skills and talents that you can put to use somewhere else." He looks at them, stunned: "You know, you're probably right, but I just can't give up the glamour of show business!"